Continued from here.
This week, I’m discussing the concept of the sinner with the tilted halo from Brennan Manning’s excellent book, The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out.
The saved sinner with the tilted halo has been converted from mistrust to trust, has arrived at an inner poverty of spirit, and lives as best he or she can in rigorous honesty with self, others, and God.”
I used to be a distrusting person. As an abused child, I learned early that the world is not a safe place and that people are not trustworthy. I told my therapist that I was incapable of trusting anyone, but he said this was not true. I trusted the waitress to bring me what I ordered and that the food would be safe to eat. I trusted the bridge I drove over would hold. He pointed out different aspects in my relationships with different people that I did, in fact, trust, such as for my husband to provide financially. It was a slow process for me to recognize that I did, in fact, have the ability to trust, and I grew to realize that the issue was not what other people did. Instead, my issue was a lack of trust in myself to be OK if someone else broke my trust.
Today, I trust God with my whole heart and soul, which means I don’t need to trust anyone else. Once I understood at a heart level that God’s got my back, I let go of the need to control what anyone else did that affected me. If someone breaks my heart, God will heal it. If he harms me, God will vindicate me. If she breaks my trust, God will remain faithful. God is all I need. Anything else good that I receive from someone else is gravy. God is the main course.
But what about not trusting God? That’s where I was for decades. I was a people-pleaser and twisted myself into a pretzel trying to be what others wanted me to be, but they were implacable. Because of their own self-interest, I would inevitable displease them. I saw God as the same way – as this being who had a list of rules I could not possibly follow and who I could never fully please, no matter how hard I tried.
Today, I fully trust in God’s love. I know that He loves me no matter what I do and no matter how badly I mess up. He loves me for who I am, not for what I do. In fact, whenever I ask Him why He loves me, His consistent response is, “Because I choose to.”
To be continued…
[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace standing over the words, “Trust me.” Courtesy Bitmoji.]