Continued from here.
On of the hardest parts of dealing with spiritually immature Christians is continuing to love them while they are behaving badly. When someone is rude to you, it’s natural to want to be rude back, but that’s not how Jesus behaved when he was tortured and killed. Even when we must take action, we should always do it gently and in love, even when we must be firm. I find it helpful to recognize that the behavior is indicative of spiritual immaturity and fueled by pain. When I see the person as a wounded child acting through an adult’s body, it helps me find more compassion, even when the person has wounded me.
I also find it helpful to remember that the kindest action is not necessarily giving the person what he or she wants. It doesn’t help someone to mature by rewarding him or her for poor behavior. Just as giving a toddler his own way to stop his tantrum is a poor long-term solution, allowing a spiritually immature person to get his own way through throwing an adult version of a temper tantrum does not benefit him. Sometimes, the most loving answer is, “No.”
Saying no (setting appropriate boundaries) can be particularly difficult when the spiritually immature person is someone we love who will experience negative consequences if we stand our ground. We must remember that God often allows us to experience the negative consequences of our actions so that we can learn. After all, if God repeatedly rescued us from the consequences of our poor choices, why would we ever change?
As I have matured in my faith, I have grown more gentle in how I interact with others. I’m not claiming never to lose my temper, but those instances have grown farther and farther apart as God has taught me the beauty and value of gentleness. Ultimately, the goal in interacting with spiritually immature Christians is not to change their behavior – it’s to lead them toward changing their hearts, which only God can do. Your “No” can be the wakeup call the person needs to go before the Lord, repent, and grow. In the meantime, cover the person in prayer, always remembering that Jesus died for that person, just as he died for you.
[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace with angels’ wings and a halo saying, “I forgive you.” Courtesy Bitmoji.]