Extending Grace to the Wounded

blowing_heartsContinued from here.

Jesus told us not to judge lest we be judged and then went on to point out that all of us have blind spots that keep us from seeing someone else’s actions clearly. Here’s the thing that most people fail to realize: we tend to judge other people by their actions while extending ourselves grace because of the brokenness driving our actions. The reality is that we are ALL broken – that’s part of the human condition.

Let me give a specific example. When I hit puberty, I developed binge eating disorder to help me manage the emotional pain of years of severe childhood abuse. I could consume an entire bag of family-sized Dorito’s in one sitting because the act of binge eating “stuffed down” the emotional pain, giving me temporary relief. People who experienced no trauma in childhood and were raised by parents who taught them healthy eating patterns may not be able to relate to binge eating disorder. They may believe it’s just a PC way of justifying lack of self-control over food or ignorance about healthy eating. When I was 30 pounds overweight, they might have snickered as I walked by, making unkind remarks behind my back about how lazy I must be since I clearly don’t care about my body. Rather than seeing the whole picture of how my extra weight revealed very deep emotional pain, they judged my body size against their own experiences that did not include childhood trauma.

Conversely, I have never used illegal drugs. My compulsion was food, and while it made me fat, it provided me with ongoing, temporary relief from very deep emotional pain. Because illegal drugs are not a temptation for me, I could judge someone addicted to crack cocaine or meth, believing that illegal drugs should not be a temptation for them because it is not for me. When they are arrested and imprisoned for drug use, I could believe they deserve it, never realizing that the only reason I am not sharing a cell with them is because it’s not illegal to binge eat. We may share the same underlying brokenness from childhood and the same compulsion to harm our bodies to manage the pain, but because they are in prison while I am not, I could judge the same brokenness that others judge me for.

One lesson I have learned over the last month – after much pain – is that I must never judge the wounded … and we are ALL wounded. Instead, I must extend grace, even when I don’t understand. In fact, I’m frequently NOT going to understand, but I don’t need to understand the specifics to extend grace. I simply need to know that when people behave in unhealthy, unkind, or destructive ways, they are acting out of their brokenness. Brokenness needs grace, not judgment.

To be continued…

[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace blowing lots of hearts. Courtesy Bitmoji.]

 

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Judging the Wounded

judgeI apologize for not blogging last week. My schedule for Father’s Day weekend was overstuffed, and I had to choose between blogging and sleeping. Here’s hoping I can get back on track this week.

God has been teaching me a particularly painful lesson over the past few weeks that I hope you can learn by reading about it rather than have to learn it on a “field trip” (as Beth Moore puts it) as I have. It’s a lesson about grace and why Jesus told us never to judge other people. I am learning this lesson by being on the receiving end of being judged during a particularly vulnerable season that most people simply cannot relate to. It’s one thing to be judged when you are being intentionally obstinate. However, when you are judged in weakness, vulnerability, hurt, and brokenness, the lack of grace heaped on top of that vulnerable season can seem unbearable.

Casting Crowns has a great line in the song, Jesus, Friend of Sinners:

Nobody knows what we’re for, only what we’re against, when we judge the wounded.”

And you know what? We’re ALL wounded. Your wounds might looks quite different from mine. In fact, your area of wounding might be in an area that’s a strength for me. When I judge you in the area of your deepest wounding, I can compound what’s already painful for you as I heap judgment upon you rather than grace. Not only do I squander an opportunity to saturate your wounds with God’s loving grace, but I actually rub salt into them, which can lead you to question whether you even have a place in the family of God. After all, we expect judgment from the world as “peculiar people,” but judgment from others in the Body of Christ can actually deepen the wound, that’s what I have been experiencing on this “field trip.”

Joyce Meyer recently preached on Ps. 105:18, which literally says that iron entered Joseph’s soul when he was enslaved and imprisoned in Egypt. If that makes no sense to you, thank God for sparing you that experience. Sadly, many of us know the pain of experiencing something so traumatizing that we cannot find the words to express the agony of iron entering the soul – words do not exist that can communicate the depth of your pain to someone who has not walked in your shoes. Judging someone with iron in his or her soul exacerbates the pain in ways you cannot possibly imagine if you have not experienced it yourself. I hope that you never do.

To be continued…

[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace sitting in a judge’s chair over the word, “Judging.” Courtesy Bitmoji.]