Continued from here.
It might amuse you to learn that by my early thirties, I was leading Bible studies and then watching very dark television programming in the evenings. The more violent the television show, the more I was drawn to it. Torture, rape, and betrayal were constant themes in the shows I chose to watch. I would pray for God to heal my pain from the childhood abuse and ask others to do the same while I fed my mind with violence and pain as I “entertained” myself in the evenings. The darker the show, the more I obsessed over it. It was a huge deal for me to miss an episode. I simply had to travel down those dark paths with characters who were as flawed as I was.
I have shared several times that while I became a Christian at age 8, I did not become a disciple of Christ until 2013. What I mean by this is that I wanted his salvation to avoid going to hell, but I did not embrace his lordship over my life until 2013, and that changed everything. Fairly soon after embracing God’s lordship, He called me to a deeper level of holiness. He placed heavily on my heart that I needed to stop watching any television show or movie that is violent, pornographic (I did not watch pornography, but many television shows aired during prime time are pornographic from a biblical perspective), or filled with profanity. Obeying this one instruction dropped my recording queue from 30 shows to 7, leaving behind mostly comedies. Even those were far from “pure,” but they did not include those three elements.
Within a few months of removing dark, violent television shows (and movies) from my life, I became sensitized to violence again. I went to see a PG movie that few would consider violent, and I had to keep looking away from the screen because what did not even hit the radar on even young children’s violence scale had become quite uncomfortable for me. I even found many Christian movies to be too violent for me to watch the screen during particular scenes.
To be continued…
[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace grimacing under the word, “Brutal.” Courtesy Bitmoji.]