Continued from here.
I used to believe that I had no control over my own attitude. I felt what I felt and reacted to those feelings. Unfortunately, because of my painful childhood, I carried around a lot of pain that could be “triggered” by many external influences. So, I did my best to avoid as many “triggers” as I could. When I was unsuccessful in avoiding a trigger, I allowed my emotions to drive my behavior, making me an unpleasant person to be around, particularly for those who lived with me.
Learning to choose a good attitude when powerful emotions were triggered was extremely difficult for me to do. It was much easier for me in my flesh to allow my emotions to drive my behavior. If I felt angry, it was natural for me to be rude to others. If I felt sad, it was natural for me to focus on my pain and ignore the feelings of those around me. It was comfortable to expect the world around me to bend to the will of my emotions. After all, I was abused as a child, so the world owed me … or so I believed.
Nothing was more unnatural for me than to take responsibility for my reactions to powerful emotions. In the early stages, having to do this made me angry because I believed I experienced more negative emotions than other people because I had experienced more pain that they had. Thus, they owed it to me to put up with my bad attitude. Choosing to obey God by not allowing my emotions to drive my behavior was extremely difficult for me and took much practice to improve.
Today, I have a very different reaction to strong emotions. I recognize that whatever I am feeling in the moment – whether “good” or “bad” – will pass because all emotions are transient. Joy transcends whatever I am feeling, and I can always choose joy. Thus, I can experience joy even as I sob over my son having major back surgery or being in physical pain. I pour my emotions out to God – not other people – and ask Him to help me. I also thank Him that His mercies are new every morning, so it is OK that I am feeling lousy right now. Joy will come again, and I trust that God will carry me through until it does.
Pouring my emotions out to God rather than people has made my relationships much easier because I am no longer expecting fallible people to do what only God can do. Being in a relationship with me is less burdensome because I have no expectation for others to bear the brunt of my emotions. Instead, I choose a good attitude, no matter how I feel, which has removed much conflict that used to exist in my relationships.
[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace throwing her hands up in the air and saying, “ARGH!” Courtesy Bitmoji.]