Continued from here.
In my last blog entry, I shared that I actually find it easier to be dependent upon God – and thus remain more content – when I face HUGE life challenges than when I face smaller ones. To quote a friend, “I can valiantly fight off a shark but then get nibbled to death by guppies.” Why is that?
I have learned that I can remain content in HUGE life challenges while continuing to experience extreme discontent in smaller challenges because of my refusal to depend upon God for them. Let’s see if you can relate to the mindset that I struggle with:
Let’s say I am juggling several annoying life challenges at once, such as being overcharged for my cell phone, having to keep rescheduling my son’s orthodontist appointment to accommodate makeup basketball games, and training a new dog who starts whining at 5:00 a.m. (even on Saturdays!!). None of these life annoyances is outside of what I believe I should be able to handle on my own. I think I don’t need God to deal with them … not that this is a conscious thought. I simply omit God from these areas of my life.
Then, more gets piled on – I get poison ivy, so I’m itchy … and then my son’s carpool buddy has to go out of town for a week, so I’m on double-duty … which means I have to make up the missed time from work … which takes two hours out of the time I have to do chores around the house that week … and so on … Suddenly, the same person who valiantly faced down her son’s major back surgery is curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing because I can’t handle all of this!!!!!
What God wants is for me accept that I am dependent upon Him in every area of my life and seek His involvement in the molehills just as much as I do in the mountains … but I don’t (although I’m learning) because that’s not what I want from God. I want to stay in control, and to accept that I am 100% dependent upon God means I must give up that control … and that’s very difficult for me to do.
You see, what I want is for God to tame the beast. I believe I can probably handle three of the molehills on my own, so I want God to reduce the size of the collective fire, and then I’ve got it from there. I can handle this on my own – I don’t need God’s involvement if He will just keep the molehills below a certain level. THAT is the mindset that God wants to break in me, and He uses trials to do it.
How might my life and outlook be different if I accepted that I am 100% dependent upon God in EVERY area of my life, big or small? More on that in my next blog entry.
[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace looking angry and holding up her hand next to the words, “I’ve had it up to here!” Courtesy Bitmoji.]