Continued from here.
In my last blog entry, I talked about how God wants to break our self-sufficiency so we learn to depend upon him. Note the use of the word learn. This is a lesson that must be learned over time, and perseverance through trials is how we learn it. Once we do, we develop the ability to remain content no matter what happens in our lives.
Learning to be dependent upon God has been a particularly challenging lesson for me because of my history. As a severely abused child, I loathed dependency because that was what I perceived as being responsible for my trauma. I could not wait to become an adult so I would NEVER have to depend upon ANYONE EVER AGAIN.
Note that I said I struggled with being “dependent upon” God. I did not struggle as much with learning to “depend upon” God, but I had absolutely no interest in “being dependent” on Him or anyone else.
Let me explain the difference: I want to be able to depend upon my friend to show up as promised to give me a ride to the airport, but I don’t want to be dependent upon her or anyone else to give me a ride anywhere. I can take care of myself, thank you very much! I’ll call a cab, walk, or hitchhike before I’ll allow myself to “become dependent upon” that friend or anyone else giving me a ride anywhere. See the difference?
My natural inclination is that I want to be completely self-sufficient, not having to depend upon anyone for anything. So, God allowed trials into my life, such as infertility and an eating disorder, that were too big for my limited resources. I had to become dependent upon God because they broke me. My options were to stay broken or to depend upon God to intervene. There was no third option.
Interestingly, because of God’s excellent track record with intervening in my massive life challenges, I am actually more content when facing HUGE issues than I am when I face smaller ones. More on that in my next blog entry.
[Graphic: Cartoon of Grace holding up her hand, saying, “No thanks.” Courtesy Bitmoji.]