I shared in my last two blog entries that I have been dealing with a bad cold. Per my doctor, that turned out to be the flu followed by a sinus infection. Oh, joy!
The day after I wrote the last two blog entries (Day 10 of feeling ill), I fell … HARD. I awoke to so much pain that I could barely sit vertically during my quiet time with God. My quiet time wound up being fairly short – a “Help me, God” prayer following by lying down and listening to songs about how God is always with me. I became self-absorbed with all of my physical pain and ANGRY … only I didn’t have anyone to aim my anger toward. Not God. Not my son for giving me the flu. Not my husband, who was already doing so much to help me. So, I had all this raw emotion but nowhere for it to go.
Some of that raw emotion spewed out onto my doctor, which I’m not proud of. And then, after I got home, I sobbed … and sobbed … and sobbed. Where was that person who had just written about experiencing storms without darkness?
Thankfully, I am reading Lysa Terkeurst’s book, Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions, which talks about imperfect progress. Our walk with God is not linear – we are going to make mistakes and fall … and sometimes fall hard, as I did. However, we get back up and continuing walking, which is progress … not “perfect progress,” but progress nonetheless.
Even as I was “coming unglued” over my physical pain, I remembered that God loves me, is good, is with me, and is in control. I also knew His mercies are new every morning, so no matter how badly I messed up today, God would give me the grace to continue my walk with Him again tomorrow. I also became acutely aware that I am unable to continue to walk in my own strength – without God’s intervention, I’ll fall again just as hard.
So, I am now writing to you on Day 11 with no guilt. No question that I was guilty yesterday. I blew it in so many ways that I cannot even count. However, Jesus’ blood was enough to cover all of my sins, and so I stand before God today just as righteous (through Jesus, of course) as if I had lived yesterday perfectly. That’s grace … and that’s imperfect progress.
[Graphic: Cover of Lysa Terkeurst’s Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions Courtesy Amazon.com]